Sunday, April 04, 2010

Hitchen on Fairies and Politicians

Ever since I was a kid, I have known these plants as "fairies". Adults would tell me that if you blew gently all the little fairies on the plant would be freed and find a nice home in a quiet field. Aaaaw.

Of course these days once they have a home, someone will come along and built a settlement on it while the world stands back and makes the right noises, but does absolutely nothing to stop it.

Come to think of it those adults were the same people who told me about a fat guy climbing down chimneys, good looking sheilas who left sixpence under my pillow when I lost a tooth, a bloody big rabbit leaving Easter eggs, the Bogeyman and of course the Sandman, who would help me sleep by throwing sand in my eyes. I am not quite sure why a total stranger throwing a foreign substance in my eyes is beneficial to sleep, but I guess it's a lot safer than the hefty doses of knock-out sweeties some parents choose to use on their kids. But I guess if something does go wrong, they can always blame the Sandman.

I had more imaginary people visiting me when I was a kid than real ones do now - and most of them were more believable!

These days visitors don't bring anything or throw objects at me. They tell me fairy stories. Not the sort that begins, "Once upon a time". These are updated and begin, "If I was to tell you that I could save you 20%....."

At election time they come in droves. Not in gossamer gowns or multi colored outfits, but black suits, white shirts and yellow ties. "Hello, I'm your local candidate and I care about this community." The fact they were "parachuted" into the area after the previous incumbent was forced to resign after being caught ballot-rigging his secretary in the back of his tax payer funded Commodore, is not considered a relevant detail.

The storyline is usually the same. Whatever is wrong, they will put right because it's not what our fathers and forefathers fought for. If it's really bad, you can guarantee the magic word, "Un-Australian" will be used somewhere along the line. "Family values" and references to what we want for our children and our children's children, are also part of the fairy story - so too is the compulsory use of the words, "green" "environment" "Emission Trading" and "empower."

At least the imaginary visitors usually gave me something. All the other lot gives hands out or throws, is a lot messier and smellier than a few grains of sand!

Wherever you may be - be safe

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