Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mike Hitchen Unleashed: The "Life Wasn't Meant To Be Easy Club"

You would think life would be hard enough as it is without those who should know better, going out of their way to make it more difficult for others. A few simple guidelines would make things so much easier.

Yummy Mummies take heed! Supermarket aisles are not training courses for the 2012 Under 12 World Scooter Championships. Neither are buses, as I informed one Yummy Mummy the other day. If your kids want to be track stars, enroll them in a local athletics club. Do not, as one mum did a few years back, stand in the aisle and act as starter for her kids to take part in the 20 meter Frozen Goods Aisle Sprint.

If you want to take Rover or Fido for a walk - fine. Take them to a park, not to supermarkets, shopping centers, or on extendible leads in shopping plazas - and certainly not bloody coffee shops. Why do Sydney-siders have to take their dogs with them everywhere they go?

Lycra clad terrorists known as cyclists. Tax payers pay for cycle tracks - use them. Do not use the footpaths expecting everyone to duck for cover as you make your flavor-of-the-month wanky environmental statements, or ride two or three abreast in the road chatting away while traffic piles up behind you - as you know damn well it is. My street has two cycle paths, yet I have not seen one selfish bastard of a cyclist use them.

That bit on the top and bottom of escalators is for people using escalators to get off - it is not a designated meeting place for the Darby and Joan Club.

Whichever way you look at it, a trolley overflowing with groceries rarely qualifies for the "12 items or less" aisle.

There that wasn't too hard was it? Or was that a stupid question?!

Wherever you may be - be safe
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