Friday, January 14, 2011

Mike Hitchen Unleashed: Thank you, but I'll decide for myself

Last night on Tweeter, I mentioned that my local supermarket thoughtfully provided a free, very large, albeit dead fly in my sealed pack of sausages. Since then I have been rather concerned that some of my readers, (hello to both of you!) may think, "sausages? that's not very healthy". After all, sausages, like every other thing in life one enjoys doing, eating or drinking, is not considered fashionable - although it is of course considered frightfully good etiquette to clad your wobbly bits in lycra and knock down hapless pedestrians on the footpath on your oh so fashionable bicycle.

Perhaps the food police may be worried about my becoming obese - the latest wanky flavor of the month cause promoted by overpaid experts - experts in bugger all except sticking their noses in other people's business just so they can get their name in the papers and be invited to give paid lectures and write "must have" lifestyle books, that eventually end up being given away as prizes on talk-back radio. To those good citizens I say please, do not concern yourself that by consuming something I enjoy every now and then, I will become obese - I was obese a long time ago mate, so you can stop worrying and let me have my sausage and chips in peace.

I am now 54 years of age and have easily surpassed the average lifespan of males in days gone by when most were lucky to reach their late 40s. I have watched Ivanhoe, Lancelot, Robin Hood, and Richard The Lionheart, and not once did I see anyone queuing up to ask, "Pray, canst though havest a Big Mac fair maid?" and shaking their head when asked, "Doest thou require chips with that Sire?" OK, so there were huge feasts in castles where noblemen, (who were usually far from noble) sank their choppers into great legs of chicken, but they lived longer anyway as all the rich, powerful and corrupt seem to do. These days they have to live longer so they enough time to receive all their human rights and humanitarian awards.

The other day I was amused by a remark of a thirty something woman who sat next to me on a bench as we waited for a bus. A smoker walked past and I could feel, rather than see her frightfully put out expression. When he was some distance from us, she turned to me and commented, "you could smell his cigarette as he walked past." I looked at where we were sitting - a main road. There was a bus revving up in front of us, a truck trying to park in front of that bus, half a dozen trucks, vans and cars, engines running as they sat in a traffic jam. Lets' face it, it was not exactly the most healthy bloody place to sit! Did she complain about that? Of course she didn't.

Another thing, when I smoke I always smoke in dedicated smoking areas. I do not smoke in non smoking areas. It's called "consideration". Which is why I resent non smokers going into smoking areas and asking ever so politely, "Would you mind not smoking". That is not called "consideration" that is called, "pissing me off" as they soon discover.

I have no desire to tell the food, fashion or lifestyle police how they should live their lives - so they can stuff their holier than though attitude where the sun don't shine - such as the cloud of smog created by their 4WD's that are considered essential for driving 150 meters to the shops to buy the latest organic, "free this" and "90% less that" produce.

Anyway, although I managed to put the handicap of being a product of the British education system well behind me, if I can survive British school dinners with its watery gravy and veggies with all the goodness boiled out of them, served by dinner ladies recovering from a sense of humor bypass, I can survive any diet!

Wherever you may be - be safe
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