Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hitchen on Evolution

Recently I have come across several articles covering the prickly subject of evolution. Why this continues to be a source of such fierce debate is beyond me - nobody really knows, nobody ever will and even if they did - it wont make the slightest bit of difference to anyone. Arguments and theories are mostly based on opinion, faith, doctrines and pushed agendas. Personally, I think it is far more important to focus on the harsh realities of the present and future - poverty, famine, conflict, drought. Look at where mankind (I refuse to use 'humankind') is going, not where we started from.

However, having said that, the articles have made me ponder the issue. I have come up with a theory that no doubt will be known to contemporary and future scholars and educators as, "The Hitch's Theory Of Evolution".

First of all, I can state categorically that life was not created by a superior being or superior entity - I'm pretty sure I would remember doing something like that and in any case, I never was any good with my hands!

So where did life come from?

In the beginning there was nothing - zilch - although even that is not quite true. Even nothing is something because nothing is ever quite nothing, existing as its own entity. Somewhere along the line, for whatever reason, there was a slight change in this "nothing" and it was even less nothing than when it was nothing being something, however empty. "Nothing" now had something added to it - some tiny particle that came into being because of this slight change. What this tiny particle was made of, God knows - let me change that expression before it complicates things - is anyone's guess. This tiny particle upset the balance of the "Nothing" and "Nothing" caused further changes in this original particle made up of something I haven't worked out yet (hopefully I will have it solved by teatime tomorrow). It grew bigger and bigger. In fact, it got too big for its own boots and split into fragments - and boy did that cause the mother of all commotions.

All these fragments and particles were flying around what used to be "Nothing" but due to expansion, now became known as "The Universe" or if you prefer, "Post-Nothing" which sounds more scientific. It stands to reason that you can't have all these fragments and particles flying around a "Post-Nothing" without something happening. And it did. Purely by chance, a few of these particles got together causing a random series of events that became the building blocks for planets, stars and other heavenly bodies.

This did not happen overnight, oh no Siree. It took ages - even longer than a New South Wales Hospital waiting list. Once all the pieces were in place, it stands to reason that all these new cosmotic (not sure if that is a word, but if it isn't, it is now) bodies whirling around would have a flow on effect - and it did. Things on these planets - well, one at least - began to change. Again a random series of events caused splitting, merging, reforming until finally the first form of life appeared.

Of course,in the initial stages it was all very primitive. However, once these little buggers were alive, there was no stopping them, they grew and evolved. Of course not all evolved successfully - some stayed basic, primitive and devoid of even the most basic intelligence. These became known as, 'Sydney Cyclists". The others however, became more advanced over the ages. Passing through the ice-age, which was bought to an end by global warming caused by wooly mammoths emitting too much harmful gas, then through the various stages of our planet until man evolved into the form we know now.

But that is not quite the end of the story. Something else entered into the equation to turn mankind into what it is today.


Without greed, perhaps there would not be millions of people around the world starving, while fat, corrupt politicians who once had their arses hanging out of their trousers, wine and dine on meals that would feed an impoverished village for a week.

Without Greed, perhaps millions of people around the world would be spared the trauma of an ever-shifting home, trekking hundreds of miles across barren, harsh landscapes in search of the basic needs they should be entitled to.

From the moment the first caveman looked across the countryside, turned to his missus and said, "Aye up Gladys, that man's grass is greener than ours. I reckon I'll take this club and do something about that" billions of years of evolution, began to go wrong.

Oh yes mankind has evolved alright and is still evolving, never ceasing to find new ways to inflict pain, misery and suffering on an increasingly large number of fellow but less powerful human beings.

But don't worry, the United Nations knows they "key" to eradicating poverty, conflict, drought and hunger. In fact, they come out with several new "keys" every day and have done ever since their fancy building designed to accommodate nationalistic, glass chinking agenda-pushers, was first erected. There is nothing quite like an ivory tower to shut out the cries of the hungry and the tortured.

Wherever you may be - be safe

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