Saturday, October 01, 2005

Goodnight from Sydney

Saturday night and I am out of here!

In future I am going to limit my posts to no more than 10 per day, split into four sessions. At times though this may not always be possible, and there may be more posts in one session than perhaps in others.

This weekend for example, may be a bit erratic. I will keeping an eye on my mum as it is the anniversary of the death of my father. Married at 16, he was the one and only man in her life for half a century.

I was there the day he died and I guess like so many people, I have my regrets at what happened that day. He rarely complained about anything - especially concerning health matters. That day however, he complained that he was tired and was going to lie down.

At that time, I used to go every Saturday to do voluntary work for the Little Sisters Of The Poor. This particular day he asked me not to go but to "stay with your mum."

Although I am not religious, I loved working at the Sisters and I almost resented being asked to miss out on something I looked forward to. "Why don't you go to the doctors?" I snarled. And left him in his bedroom.
Those were the last words I ever said to him.

We rarely argued, even when I was a kid - and I chose that bloody moment to get on my high horse.

About half an hour later I decided to look in on him. He was dead.

I have some sort of safety mechanism that blocks a lot of emotion. Back in 1991, when I was told I had Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma, it didn't sink in. Nothing about it seemed to bother me, which for friends and loved ones was rather disconcerting. Mostly I feel the same way about dads death.

Except for those last words.

The odd thing is, we found out later that the day before he died - he cleared out his desk in work.

I hope you don't mind if I finish tonight a little differently than normally.

Wherever you may be dad - be peaceful.